I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
no you cant smoke seaweed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
