The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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