pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
one might say we're banned from that church
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
