You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
