hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
