After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
