I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
soo... how was my night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
