She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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