I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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