WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
