i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
