So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
