im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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