I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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