he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize