Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
