don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
