my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
