you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
