Barsexuality is the new black.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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