your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
