She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
