I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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