How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
