You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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