I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
