Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
