she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
