Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
