Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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