She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
