Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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