I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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