If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my being single is dangerous.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
