Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
