Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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