yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
