He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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