I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
