Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
