I think i peed on brittanys purse
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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