today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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