I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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