My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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