I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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