I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
