32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize