I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
