According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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