The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
