I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
