Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
