it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
