Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
