I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
