so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
